What’s worse than a break up itself?
The first “Talk” is something most couple fret.
And why shouldn’t you be?
There are a lot of key aspects involved in making the first post-breakup talk successful and productive.
You do not want to call and re-ignite whatever it was that caused the break up in the first place,
… that would be equivalent to sprinkling salt on the wound, which is quite unpleasant.
Of course, the first time you communicate with your ex-boyfriend is always going to be awkward.
Depending on how long your relationship lasted, or the way you ended the whole thing will always play a vital role.
You may ignore his existence in the initial phases due to some bitter feelings, but hey!
How long can that last?
As long as you keep holding grudges against your ex-partner, the harder it becomes for you to move on from the unpleasant experience.
You may not necessarily pick up the phone to call him and resolve the bitter ends,
… but what if you suddenly bump into him on your way to the supermarket?
You certainly cannot stand there and stare awkwardly at each other.
Someone needs to start talking, and the one that usually initiates the first talk is the bigger person in such circumstances.
How to talk to him after a breakup? Here are some key factors to keep in mind before you can initiate the first talk.
1. Take some time after break up
How long should you wait to talk to your ex boyfriend after a breakup?
They say time heals everything, and yes, that’s not just some fortune cookie stuff.
Take some time to process your break up before you can start communicating your ex.
You will most probably over-think everything in the beginning,
… but the more time you take, things become more precise and easier to deal with.
If you call him up a day after the breakup, there are certainly going to be a lot of heat from both ends.
In brief, that will only complicate things even more.
The time gap allows you and your ex-boyfriend to actually see the present scenario from a different perspective.
Irrespective of whether you want to get back together or not,
… taking some time off helps in establishing a clear idea of how to initiate or react to the first talk after your breakup.
Read more: How to Apologize to Your Ex
2. Set your priorities clear
Do you want to resume the communication to try and fix the problems and get back again?
Or do you just want to have an honest conversation and part ways on a healthy note?
This is extremely important.
After all, the way you re-initiate the communication with your ex will depend primarily on your purpose.
If you think the relationship is worth another try,
… the communication should be focused mainly on resolving the issues that surfaced prior to the breakup.
However, if you want to part ways on a pleasant note,
… make sure you both understand and respect each other’s decision.
It is always recommended to bury the hatchet before you can transition your relationship status from “ex” to friends.
Setting that clear priority will aid you immensely in approaching the communication procedure with a positive mindset,
… and most importantly, you can avoid sending out the wrong message.
3. Have a constructive conversation
Of course, talking about the break up is important. However, don’t make everything about the break up as well.
Try to slip in casual conversation topics that will make both of you feel comfortable and natural around each other.
It is much easier to start off with something fun or casual that your ex-boyfriend loves,
… and ease into the break-up conversation if required, instead of bursting off directly with, “why did you leave me?” conversation starter.
4. Don’t be afraid to open up
The entire purpose of getting back in touch with your ex is;
… to eliminate any kind of negative energy between the two of you.
As long as you hold yourself back from expressing your genuine feelings about the whole thing, you will never be truly “over him.”
In fact, break up is a healthy part of any relationship.
If you and your ex are honest enough, that may give you the closure you needed in your relationship.
Things may even get better if you let out your true emotions instead of simply communicating to avoid those awkward encounters.
Majority of the people will tell you not to be vulnerable after your break up,
… but, in reality, a real gentleman will never take advantage of your sensitive nature.
Instead, that might encourage him to share his genuine feelings as well.
5. Keep an open mind
If you’re serious about communicating with your ex-boyfriend after breaking up, you need to make sure it produces positive results.
Otherwise, you will just end up poking the injury, making it even more annoying and difficult for yourself and your ex to move on.
If you want productive results, you will need to broaden your view and accept some criticism.
You need to be prepared to accept some productive criticism from your ex.
That does not necessarily mean you will have to take every negative comment he makes, but, keeping an open mind allows you to accept those critics and allow yourself to become a better person.
The identical state of mind is applicable to your ex-boyfriend as well.
If he cannot keep an open mind to a matured conversation, well, it is better to let that fish go swim somewhere else.
6. Avoid constant communication
Keeping in touch with your ex-boyfriend can be a comforting thing.
The familiar process of reaching out to him for every little occasion can take some time to get rid of.
However, after your break up, you need to draw a clear boundary of the magnitude of communication you need to maintain.
Of course, a certain level of communication is always healthy, but make sure you aren’t crossing the line.
Communicating with your ex to complain just about anything or,
… using him as an emotional crutch is something you should stay far away from.
All those behaviors fall under the category of sending out all the types of wrong messages,
… and also a distinct indication that you’re still not over the break-up.