Sometimes you do everything right (or at least you think you did),
… but it still does not end up being enough to keep the relationship alive.
A small slip of words or action can easily snowball into something big and cause your relationship to break apart.
Now, to say that breakups are hard would be a huge understatement.Should I apologize to my ex-boyfriend? Click To Tweet
The magnitude of mental and emotional stress one goes through after such a heartbreaking incident is unquantifiable.
In the majority of the cases, anger is the first phase of emotional breakdown that one experiences.
It may be anger towards your partner or yourself for not handling the situation correctly.
While dealing with all that emotional roller coaster, people forget or simply ignore the most vital aspect of a breakup – the “I am sorry” part.
Yes, it’s never easy to let out those words from your mouth even when you know you owe him one.
Ego – such a small word, yet so destructive, especially when it comes to admitting your transgressions in a failed relationship.
Apologizing to your ex-partner represents how matured you’re relationship is (or was), and most importantly, it shows you care.
However, simply saying, “I am sorry” to your ex does not work in most cases.
In such cases, the duration of your relationship is directly proportional to the amount of effort you need to put into making the apology work.
You have to prepare yourself mentally in many ways if you want to apologize the right way.
Plan #1 – Find out the “GENUINE” cause
If you’re going to apologize to your ex, make every effort to understand what it is that you actually need to apologize for.
In many cases, you may think you know what the reason is (was),
… but in reality, your ex might have an utterly contradicting story to tell.
Apologizing for the wrong reason (s) is worse than no apology.
It triggers more anger and makes your ex even more annoyed about the whole situation.
Instead of assuming you know what to apologize for, make an effort to understand his side of the story.
This will help your apology to sound sincere and,
… more importantly,
… apologizing for the right reasons shows you care about him.
Plan #2 – Find the “RIGHT” time
Yes, there is a right to make that apology.
Most people think apologizing at the earliest hour post break up is the key.
This may be true for some specific circumstances,
… but it is certainly not ideal for every situation.
Firstly, when you make a move too early, your apology will never seem sincere or even for the right reasons for that matter.
To your partner, your premature sorry will just appear as just another of those things you’re doing just to avoid getting into a messy argument.
The right thing to do is to take some time to process all that difference in opinions and come up with a genuine way of apologizing.
Taking some time off gives you the space to clear up your mind and make a sincere apology to your ex instead of just blabbering out the words.
However, you also do not want to take an eternity to ask forgiveness from your ex-boyfriend as well.
At some point, your apology will lose all its value, simply because your ex does not care anymore.
It is essential to analyze your mistakes, let the tension slide for a while, and then ask for a sincere apology when he is ready to listen to you rationally.
Plan #3 – Be sincere in your apology
The most powerful aspect of asking for forgiveness to your ex is your sincerity.
If you aren’t going to be sincere or commit fully to apologize properly to your ex, you’re better off not apologizing at all.
You may think you can fake sincerity, and, yes, you may even convince your ex, but,
… how do you lie to yourself ?
An insincere apology means you’re still holding some form of grudge or ego internally,
… which will ultimately make you feel even more bitter about your ex-boyfriend.
Your apology should be solely for mending the bridge between you and your ex,
… and not for proving you’re the bigger person or any other external reasons.
Remember you’re apologizing to rebuild the trust, and not for anything else.
Plan #4 – Keep a clear objective when apologize
Set your mind on a clear set of objectives to help you apologize “efficiently.”
Without a precise goal, you may find yourself deviating from your purpose, and before you know it, the argument may resurface again.
Remember your objective is to convey your sincere apology and to help him understand that you can be trusted,
… and more importantly to show him you care.
Don’t deviate from your genuine objective by trying to justify your actions too hard.
Instead, create a neutral ground where you can both justify your actions up to a certain point,
… but still, apologize for not handling your emotions in a better way.
Plan #5 – Acknowledgment
Acknowledging your part of the relationship breakdown is always the hardest, yet, the most important part.
Swallowing up your pride to acknowledge your part of the fault to make things right requires a great deal of sincerity,
… and it represents how mature you have grown from the experience as well.
Never shy away from admitting your fault and assure your ex of your productive realization.
Sincere acknowledgment of your internal errors both elevates the value of your apology,
… and it helps you analyze things better in a relationship as well.
Plan #6 – Make your apology count
No matter how much effort you put into your apology,
… if you cannot back them up, well, they are just words at the end of the day, aren’t they?
Your sincere apology should be followed by your positive attitude and constructive behaviors.
You may as well go down on your knees or stay outside his house on a cold winter’s night asking for an apology,
… but if your actions do not show significant changes, well, that’s just being needy.
As the old saying goes “talk is cheap” and you certainly don’t want to fall under that category of the “C” word.