Ah! The human brain!
You have got to love it, don’t you?
One moment it’s telling you to push away a “toxic” person,
… and just the next minute, it keeps bugging you to check up on their current status.
Irrespective of the circumstances that led up to the eventual turn of events, post-break-up stalking is just inevitable.
Stalking might not have been such a popular practice, if not for social media.
The constant need to keep in virtual touch with your ex is only encouraged by how easy it has become,
… thanks to social media platforms.
Social media makes things so convenient and simple that holding back your natural urge to keep track of him/her becomes almost impossible.
After all, the only thing separating you from them is a simple search bar.
The fact is:
You need time to get over a person with whom you have been so closely associated with for a considerable amount of time.
Constantly stalking your ex just delays the entire natural process,
… and prevents you from moving on.
How do you stop yourself from stalking your ex?
Here’s what the experts say about stalking an ex on social media,
… and how you can stop it.
Stalking Your Ex on Social Media – Here’s What the Experts Say
Stalking your Ex is your brain’s natural process of reacting to an “uncertain” situation.
Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, says that our brain region linked with addiction (substance, or behavioral) gets stimulated when we are in love.
The post-break-up phase is equivalent to an addict trying to give up his substance abuse, at least up to a certain degree.
Dr. Fran Walish, a psychotherapist from Beverly Hills, also says that stalking your ex on social media helps you keep engaged in a mental relationship.
Your constant stalking is one of the many ways you try to establish some kind of relationship with your ex-partner.
Experts also say that stalking your ex on social media is one of the ways you try to establish self-worth.
What does this mean?
Well, the one question that lingers on top of your head after a break-up is,
… was it really necessary?
Or whose fault was it actually?
There are obviously very fewer means of finding that out after a break-up.
Stalking becomes the easiest way to find answers to those lingering questions.
Stalking helps you keep tab with your ex and monitor various aspects of their life like,
… how happy they are post-breakup or how they are moving on.
Another reason why people stalk their Ex on social media is that it has become such a widespread practice.
Stalking ex on social media has become the mainstream.
According to Dr. Suzana E. Flores, a mind-boggling figure of 70% of people admits to stalking their ex on social media post-breakup.
Bottom line –
People stalk their ex on social media platforms as a means to stay in (virtual) touch with them and possibly establish a mental relationship.
This, of course,
Is not a healthy practice in the long run.
The concept of stalking an ex completely contradicts with the idea of moving on after letting go of a certain person that you deemed responsible for holding you back in some way or the other.
Experts completely agree with the fact that stalking your ex is NOT okay.
Why is stalking your ex not a healthy practice,
… and why should you refrain from it?
Why You Should Not Stalk Your Ex?
Checking your ex’s social media feeds every now
… and then is equivalent to withdrawal symptoms that most substance abusers face post-addiction phase.
It is hard to let go of a person that you had an emotional connection with.
But, at the end of the day, the name of the game is to move on and stalking just slows down the entire process."Stalking your ex on social media can become an addiction. This, in turn, keeps your Ex on top of your mind the whole time, which is clearly not a healthy practice," says Trina Leckie, the host of Break-up BOOST podcast. Click To Tweet
Anita A. Chlipala, who is also a dating and relationship expert, also says that people usually end up stalking their Ex because they want to be in the know-how of whether their Ex-partner is happier without them, or whether they moved on with someone else.
Such insistence on keeping tab with your Ex’s post-breakup life prevents you from moving on with your own, says Anita.
Leckie also explains that stalking your ex on social media can cause low-self-esteem and even depression."It really is serving no purpose to keep looking. It’s just going to make you miss them more and depressed,” says Leckie. Click To Tweet
Bottom line –
If you go by what the experts have to say,
There are probably a countless number of reasons why you should not stalk your ex on social media.
But the two most important concerns to take away from the above discussions are these –
- It prevents you from moving on from your past relationship, and
- It causes low self-esteem and depression.
Reasons Why You Can’t Stop Stalking Your Ex
There are a thousand different reasons why you constantly end up entering your Ex’s name on your social media search bar.
As mentioned above,
Stalking your ex can be an extremely unhealthy practice.
Yet, you find yourself constantly checking your Ex’s feed.
Why can you stop stalking your ex? – Here’s What The Experts Say
1. You’re hoping to get back together“No matter how much you may want to deny it if you are stalking your Ex constantly, it is an obvious indication that you are hoping to get back together,” says Anita A. Chlipala. Click To Tweet
This also means you’re trying to establish some form of relationship with your Ex as well.
2. You’re a narcissist.
A vast majority of people have this idea that people stalk their ex because they are obsessed with them.
But, it’s actually the opposite, at least according to Dr. Jennifer Freed.
You stalk your ex as a means to self-preserve.
You are fascinated by yourself, and your ex is a part of yourself (at least, up to some degrees) that you left behind.
In stalking your ex,
You’re trying to analyze your feelings about a person you once cared for.
3. You’re too anxious
Dr. Tara Marshall from Brunel University explains that people who are too anxious about their relationship status are more prone to stalk their Ex.
She further explains that a person with anxious attachments ultimately develops low self-esteem.
They also start questioning why anyone would want to be with them.
4. You feel empowered
Another crucial reason why you cannot seem to stop stalking your ex is that you feel empowered,
well at least for about 5 seconds.
Dr. Freed explains that stalking your ex can make you feel good at the moment.
But it eventually comes back to bite you in your rear end, especially if you see them happier post-break-up.
Bottom line –
No matter what you may try to tell yourself, post-break-up stalking is not healthy,
at least according to the experts in the field.
It makes you emotionally vulnerable and also exposes you to a wide array of mental disturbances as well.
All the logical reasoning behind why you cannot seem to stop stalking your ex reveals your inadequacy in one form or the other.
So, basically, the longer you hold on to your past by stalking your ex on social media,
The more vulnerable you become, and your self-esteem also diminishes.
These turn of events obviously can devastate your emotional state in the long run.
How to Stop and Avoid Yourself from Stalking Your Ex
From the above analysis (from the experts), it is rather evident that keeping in touch with your Ex on social media, aka stalking is not productive by any means.
Yet, you somehow cannot make yourself from pestering your ex’s social media accounts.
So, what can you do to stop stalking ex?
Here are some best ways to avoid yourself from stalking your Ex:
1. Be determined
As much clichéd as it may sound,
You need to be genuinely determined to get rid of your ex.
“You need optimum determination and motivation,” says Dr. Walfish.
You need to really want to stop, instead of simply selling lies to yourself about “casual” stalking.
As long as you are not fully invested in the idea of moving ahead, there is no point in trying.
2. Eliminate things that remind you of him/her
Post-break-up, every minute aspect of a person begins to develop more relevance.
From coffee mugs to social media accounts, everything starts reminding you of their absence.
So, what do you do?
Eliminate them, of course!"Eliminate things that hinder your healing process," says Julia Bekker, a dating coach, and a matchmaker. Click To Tweet
This can include taking up severe measures such as avoiding places where you’re likely to find them or un-following them on social media platforms.
3. Remember why you broke-up
Experts say that one of the best and effective ways to cling on your to your ex is to keep reminding yourself why you broke up in the first place.
You will find every crack in the wall if you go back to where it all began.
Can you imagine yourself going through the same circumstances?
Well, unless you broke up for a really stupid reason,
… the most likely answer is going to be a resounding NO.
So, every time you feel the urge to check your ex’s social media feeds,
… remind yourself of the repercussions and stop stalking ex.
Bottom line –
The convenience of keeping a tab with your ex using social media combined with your natural urge to do the same makes stalking extremely hard to give up on.
With the help of some key factors mentioned above, you can stop stalking ex.
The primary thing to remember is that you have to be genuinely determined to let them go,
… distance yourself,
… and remember why you broke up in the first place.
Things to Do Instead of Stalking Your Ex
So, you have finally decided to stop stalking your ex on social media.
You surely cannot fight off the primal urge forever,
… at least not if you’re not keeping yourself engaged in other productive activities.
So, here are the lists of things you can do instead of stalking your ex.
1. Re-kindle your hobbies
Sparking your hobby (ies) is one of the most effective ways of keeping yourself engaged.
The very definition of a hobby is to participate in something that you have a genuine interest for.
Limitless as our human brain can be, it cannot focus on multiple things with the same degree of relevance.
So, if you keep yourself busy doing something you genuinely like
… it eliminates/minimizes the chances of you feeling the urge to check your ex’s feeds.
2. Go for a walk/jog
Going for a walk is the next best thing you can do to distract your mind off your ex.
Walking gives you ample time to contemplate on things that matter and the ones that don’t.
Make sure you dump away your phone in the drawer before you go out for a walk.
3. Learn something new
The present era of digital networking presents us with an immense possibility of learning new things every day.
Instead of using such an advanced digital platform for stalking your ex,
… you can explore the web and learn something new.
4. Read a good book
They say good books are all you need to spend your entire life with the utmost content.
So, why don’t you try flipping through the pages of a good novel?
(Or just any type of books).
Ask friends (or goggle) for good recommendations and indulge yourself in a whole new world of immersive reading.
Bottom line –
There are a thousand different things you can do instead of feeling sorry for yourself and stalking your ex on social media.
The number of activities can only be limited by your imagination.
So, instead of wasting your time and your resources stalking your ex,
… and making yourself vulnerable,
Choose to do something more productive.
All the above activities can help you get your mind off your ex,
But, more importantly,
They will help you learn something new and boost your self-esteem as well.
Getting over a break-up is not an easy task by any means.
To let go of someone you once cared for and loved is not something that happens in a day.
But you have to make an effort.
As experts say, the more you insist on clinging on to your ex, the harder it becomes for you to move on.
In addition, compulsive stalking can lower your self-esteem and even cause depression, which is not healthy by any measure.
Make an admission that it is indeed over, and be bold enough to walk away from it.
You deserve to be the best version of yourself today, instead of trying to search that in your past.